"Chuckin a sickie guilt"
Today I am "chucking a sickie" (for non Australian peeps that means taking a day off work), now generally we bag each other out about having a sickie because generally a lot in previous generations it has been about being too hung over to go to work, which most did not feel guilty about because well we all had fun the night or weekend before.
In my working life, having a sick day was never the done thing, there is almost like this unspoken rule that even if you are sick you should still come to work because of the "obligation to get the job done", don't let your mates down". (feels like a walking quotation at the moment).
There is this guilt that sits inside of me that is similar to the mum guilt, and I am sure that if there are mums reading this they would all have their hands up nodding in agreement that the mum guilt is real and it hurts.
So then why I am have a day off. Well as you know I am leaving my paid position to continue and grow my own business, and with this has come about a new found freedom of choice. Choice for me and what I am really choosing in my everyday life. My daughter Jo is going for her P driving test today, now this has been a bit of an ongoing struggle for my little one, she has never really seen the point in having her license and well because everyone else said that it was a good idea then she really wasn't interested. (doesn't get her stubborness from her mother).
However she is beginning to see that this can be a choice for a different kind of freedom for her, having a license could be a really great thing. - haven't quite got to her having a car yet, especially when mum has one she doesn't need the extra expense.
We have battled through the last couple of times with me going to work and Jo having to come in with me and wait around all day, because of where I live it makes it strained to run back out and pick her up, especially when I am constrained within the working time frames of work and not being able to be fully flexible in those times. She gets stressed when she is around other people she doesn't really know, her body gets tired, her mind gets fuddled with other thoughts.
I had asked the question about taking personal leave to be able to have the time to do this with her. Never had a sick day prior to this and yet the answer is no, you have to have annual leave. I had always thought that if you were looking after a family member then you can use personal/sick leave for that, have done so in other positions. Anyway that is besides the point, point is while I was laying in bed trying to get to sleep last night, a girlfriend txt me, she has been sick for the last week and a half, she has gone to the Dr and is on sick leave, though she noted that she is still not 100% she will be back at work on Thursday because she doesn't want to get into trouble........... Really is this how our world is?
How does that work? The guilt and shame for not being at work, like I get it, I used to speak with my boss all the time about employees taking sickies and the loss in production and stress on others at work. He also said that it is simply another part of running a business and one of the things you have to deal with, (Best boss ever) he had an understanding, he was flexible, if you turned up to work when you could and gave your best then he was flexible when it was required, because he got it. Life happens and there is no point making your employees feel bad for that.
I am flipping back and forth this morning about this, about having to call in sick, and I will not lie, I will let them know that I am having the day off to support my daughter, in her life because her life is important to me, to be there for her at this point in time, she needs me more than my work does and I wish that I had have had the strength to do this many times in the past with my other children, I have worked on and off for all of their lives and when I look back and remember having my son on a rug under my table at work because he was sick, or in the office lounge because I "had" to work, when all they would have required was for me to take them home and love them up so much more.
Guilt and shame are distractors to keep me from being present with Jo today, I do not require that in my life right now so I am making a demand to replace that with calm presence for myself and for Jo. To be present for her, to guide and nurture her while I am still able.
So today I am taking that sickie, whether its in memory of all the times I didn't, or whether its because today I feel like I am taking some of my choice back for my life, this is it. And if I get shit for it tomorrow at work well for want of better words - Not My Problem!
At some point don't we all get to decide what fills us up, yep I know that we have obligation, I know that we have responsibilities to our employers, work colleagues, our bank accounts, the quiet guilt that comes with that though needs to change. We should not have to feel the guilt because we are choosing ourselves and our families first.
Did you know that it takes 6-8 weeks before you even stop thinking about work when you stop working or you go on holidays. The stress the body feels does not change for that period. How have we managed to get ourselves into that type of stress in our bodies and mind.
So now the tools that I will be using today, because as it gets closer to the time when I should be leaving for work, my body and mind are starting to increase in stress, I can literally feel my body wanting to get busy, get dressed, get organised for the work day ahead, and yes part of that would be routine influenced, part though is the stress hit that has become routine, part of that is knowing that I will be letting my boss know that I will not be coming into work today because I am taking it off to be with my daughter, she needs me, she gets stressed quite highly, she likes to have structure around her especially when she is doing something outside her comfort zone. I will be using some Access Consciousness tools such as "who does this belong to?" you see many of our thought's feelings and emotions are not even ours so by asking that is it mine or someone else's I get a yes no answer. Some people use light and heavy, I always get confused so I like to simplify it. Is this mine? yes/no ok great what is not mine return to sender with consciousness.
Interesting point of view is what I go to next if it is mine. Interesting point of view I have this feeling of guilt, interesting point of view I feel like I am doing the wrong thing, Interesting point of view everyone will hate me tomorrow, Interesting point of view I that I should feel guilt and shame for taking a day off.
This helps to take the energy off what is going on, our bodies are like electrical circuits and sometimes we have an overload of that energy and not sure what to do with that, which then turns into all these other thoughts, feelings and emotions that we don't know what to do with.
Having an interesting point of view on that energy, thought, feeling or emotion changes it, and disperses that build up. It is one of my favourite tools to use on myself, changing the energy in me today will create a space for Jo to feel supported, if I don't then all I will be thinking about is that shame and guilt and I may as well have put her through having to go to work because the energy will be the same.
So today for you, use the tools, Who does this belong to? and Interesting Point of View I have this point of view! Create the change in your body and world you wish to be and see.
Have a beautiful day everyone, I am off to spend the day with my daughter.