I recently was invited to sit with a friend and watch the sun go down over the water, so I absolutely chose that. The afternoon was cool, though not chilly, the beach was quiet with only a few people in their own world walking along the waters edge.
We shared a can of rum, to celebrate or to get through what she was about to tell me I was unsure. Still it was the end of a long working day, so that first sip was great.
You see it all started a few weeks ago, I get a phone call, "there is an issue and I have to have a hysterectomy", geez I thought, that was quick, then I went into fix mode, I need to fix this for her, what are all the things, I had ever heard about Hysterectomy's about cysts about possible cervical cancer, Medical Medium, Louise Hay, juicing, eft, and the list goes on. Where should I start, what should I tell her she should do first?
What will she listen to? How is this even possible? Why did she not tell me sooner? No way it will be easy, fine she will just have the cyst out and on life will go.
Scans show some spots on the liver............. probly nothin. ........ she'll be right!
I get home - I go to my husband and I cry, I cry for my friend, I cry for the inadequacy I feel for not being able to fix her, I cry because she is my friend and I love her so much - what am I going to do now?
We have the afternoon together with her son, he is so full of exploring and finding out what is around us, it was a wonderful afternoon. Then up on the table she goes, I begin to work with the energy, blockages there that I could feel, a knowing of something deeper, yet how deep. First will be ease, the creation of what is, will flow easy. Her mind a bit more peaceful, having taken the energy charge off what was to happen over the next week.
We caught up, had chats, life's busy, I'm working full time, working on establishing my own business, thoughts always reflect back to her, what can I do, I should just call her, I should just text her, I should just go see her in the hospital. I don't do anything of things, because I'll do it later, I get home, dinner needs to be done, I'll just do this and I will shoot her a message/ finish dinner wash up, its now 8pm, still haven't had a shower, done any of the things I need to do to arrange times, arrange events, send messages to the people that are looking to come to my events." I am so tired I am going to bed.
The conversation comes, sitting on that beach after the first sip of rum, the results came back that the cyst had stage 1 cervical cancer, I have to go back under and have the other ovary taken out.
Oh and I have to see an oncologist, have another scan of the liver, oh and I may also have to have one round of Chemotherapy............
What the heck do you say to that, you'll be fine, its probably nothing.....
I don't say anything - what is there to say, I ask all the questions that she would have heard herself ask the Dr I imagine. I am trying to wrap my head around what all of this may mean. So does this mean she has cancer, or does it mean that she did and now its gone? Does this mean that there is more?
Now as before, I am in the point of what's next? How am I to help her, or is help the wrong word, support - how do I support when I am unsure of which way she would like my support. Do I "bear the weight", "can I support her materialistically", "suggest the truth of" these are the words of the dictionary.
I am finding my way with this, I am conflicted in the way that I wish to be there with her all the things, for all the quiet times, for all the laughing times, for all the sick times.
This will be a journey of many ways, many thoughts and process for her, many thoughts and processes for me. I have learnt many things over my years, how to be a daughter of someone that had cancer and died, in the study of personal empowerment, of the body and mind, life and living. I have not however learned or been taught how to be the friend of someone that has cancer.
With permission from my friend I will be discussing and journaling of how this experience and journey is for someone who is on the outside of a best friend going through this journey.
Please if you have any experiences that you wish to share, feel free, I would love to open the conversation more and more.