When the genuine friendships take hold, they sometimes begin in the most unusual way, with Karien, my first memory was when she was sitting on the lounge chair waiting for her son Jack to finish martial arts class, we didn’t talk much, then I remember the next time was when my next door neighbour said there was a lady across the road had some wants to buy or has a recliner to sell – I cannot remember which.
Either way that was the beginning of the years of laughter, hugs and being bestest friends with the two musketeers.
Michelle would tell it as it is and always have a project for use to do, Karien always had the “let’s do it attitude” and well me, I just loved being around those two I could never say no.
Now with Michelle being in Darwin, Kaz being in the journey of living for her body to be well so that she may have more time with her beautiful boys, life sometimes doesn’t seem like those laughter times were long enough. I miss us and our laughter, I miss Michelle being supervisor and bossing us around. So much joy to be had there.
We never know when the people in our lives are no longer going to be there. And as many times as it is said, you need to love the ones your with, tell them you love them, hold them like today is the last day, those words sometimes never seem like they pertain to you.
I always thought Kaz was such a strong woman, and we all have our own silent battles that we each deal with on different levels, she inspired me with her strength of being a single mum, not once but twice. She has dealt with heartache, lost love and a love that did not last how it is supposed to in the fairy tales. Let us face it we have all been there too.
This woman though, is strength, she is determination, she is laughter and joy. She has a love and strength for her family like a lioness, mess with her kids, mess with her mum and look out. Do not make her angry, now though I have seen the vulnerable, I have seen the forgiveness of a hurt heart, I have seen and heard the sadness of disappointment. Some say we go through these things to make us strong; some say it is our journey in this life so that we no longer repeat the same things in the next life.
The journey for Karien is now taking a different path, to which only she can decide.
My belief is that we each get to choose now, we get to choose how we react, how we each go through this journey. What’s next for Karien includes, though not limited to a series of tests every 3 months or so, until such time as those that know say different, to possibly having that whisper of “when and where is it going to come back?” is it going to come back”. Which if I am completely honest is pretty messed up, not something I would like to process through. What I am hearing and seeing though is that her love for her boys, her “home “the family and friends she has around her, it has been incredible to watch just how much love this lady has around her.
For us and our friendship it will continue to grow and develop at levels and Michelle, well she will be right there with us, whether that can be in person, on the phone or in spirit our friendship, those years of being together and the laughter, tears, joy and heartbreak we helped each other through, is genuine and something that does not come along very often.
I have very dear friends that are from my childhood that I know I can rock up to them and be welcomed with open arms, acquaintances that I can have an everyday chat with, I have my tribe of spirit sisters that continues to grow, I have my sister Helen, who is my confidant, my growth chart, my complete everything, and then I have Michelle and Karien, these ladies are my friends, I adore them and I miss them, with them I was just me, and that was enough, I could be sad, I could be hilarious, I could smoke or drink and that was ok, OR I could not smoke and not drink and that was ok too. Just being together we created a bond. And that I think is partly why having Karien get sick, is was like that part of us may change, that the three musketeers may lose one of us, that is not easy to process.
When Michelle left, I thought its ok, she is just there we can go visit. She will be back, now though the reality of that has been very different, we Karien and I keep saying we will do a surprise trip to Darwin for Michelle’s birthday, well we have been saying that every year for the past 3 years I think.
Now though I am practicing that time works for me, I have the time to take care of myself, I have time to meditate, I have time to call my friend Michelle and see how her little business is going, how her life as a nurse in indigenous communities are, how life with her children are. Time to spend with Karien, and although we talk and text a lot, there are times when catching up with her and just hanging out is great, to talk and laugh and watch her son Codey get up to some great adventures.
Life is meant to be lived, and we all live it in one way or another, it all depends though on whether we recognize that the life that we are living is the life we truly desire to live or is it one that we sort of fell into and have just went with it.
I hope if nothing else, through my writing, we all get to step back and have a glimpse into what can be possible for us all. That life can be chosen to be lived in the way that best serves us, in a way that we can create it, through the good and the bad. Sometimes being brutally honest with ourselves is the best way to more forward and through things, when we remove the masks, we step into a vulnerability that opens what life can really be like.
Then say yes, say yes to the things that may scare you a little, say yes to the inconvenient things that pop up, keeping asking what else is possible?
That’s what I am going to do, For Karien’s journey, I will be right there asking what else is possible for her and her life so that there is choice, magic and possibilities for her to have her best life.
For Michelle so that she may find more peace, continued laughter, that her heart is filled with the beauty of this life that she brings to me and those around her.
For myself – well what else is possible?